Choosing a Restaurant for a Dinner Date in London

The restaurant does more work than people give it credit for. Pick the wrong sort and you spend three hours shouting across a table or being hurried through two courses. Pick the right sort and the evening more or less runs itself.

What you are actually looking for

Not the food. Or rather, not only the food, and it is a long way from the most important factor.

Noise. The single biggest one. A dinner date is a conversation, and a room at ninety decibels makes conversation into work. Hard surfaces, open kitchens and communal tables are the warning signs.

Table spacing. Two people who can be overheard talk differently from two people who cannot. It changes the whole evening and it costs nothing to check.

Whether they will let you sit. Some restaurants want the table back in ninety minutes. That is fine for lunch and wrong for this. Ask when you book.

Lighting. Dim is flattering and pleasant. Dark is a nuisance and bright is a canteen.

The shapes that work

The old fashioned proper restaurant. Tablecloths, a wine list with some depth, waiters who have been there years. Quiet, unhurried, and nobody will blink at anything. The most reliable choice by a distance.

The hotel dining room. Underrated. Calm, well spaced, used to people who are staying upstairs, and completely unremarkable to arrive at as two people. If the evening continues in the same building, it is close to ideal.

The small neighbourhood place. Twenty covers, one room, somebody’s name on the door. Warm and genuinely pleasant, though check the noise, because small rooms can be the loudest of all.

The shapes that do not

Anything with a queue and no bookings. Standing on a pavement is not a start to an evening.

Small plates and sharing. Fine among friends. As a first dinner with somebody it introduces a running negotiation over food that nobody needs.

Anywhere with a DJ. Self explanatory, and there are more of them in London every year.

The tasting menu. Three hours, twelve interruptions, and a rhythm set by the kitchen rather than by you. Superb food, wrong occasion.

Where to look, by area

Mayfair and Marylebone between them hold most of what suits this. Mayfair for the grand version, Marylebone for the same thing without the ceremony or the bill.

Knightsbridge and Chelsea are quieter and slightly older in feel. Notting Hill has the best neighbourhood restaurants in London and is a nuisance to get to and from.

Soho and Covent Garden have plenty of excellent food and almost nothing that suits a long, quiet dinner. Our post on hotel bars worth arriving early for covers the drink beforehand.

The practical part

• Book it yourself, days ahead. Not on the night, and not by asking her to. Anything worth eating in is gone by Wednesday for a Friday.
• Book for two under your own first name. Nobody asks anything else.
• Arrive first. Being at the table when she arrives is worth more than any amount of restaurant.
• Settle the bill discreetly, before the end. A card left at the start means the evening ends when you decide rather than when the machine arrives.

How long to book

Three hours is the standard shape for a dinner date and it is the right one. Dinner takes two, and an hour either side is what stops it feeling like a schedule.

Rates for dinner dates are quoted as a block rather than by the hour, and they are on the profile like everything else. Our guide on dinner dates covers how the evening runs, and what an evening costs has the arithmetic including the restaurant.

Tell us the restaurant when you book. It changes who we suggest, because some are far more comfortable in a dining room than others, and it means she arrives dressed for the room.

Every profile carries its dinner date rate alongside the hourly one, so you can see the figure before you ring. Browse the roster, or call +44 20 7846 3480.